http://blog.fittoprintnews.com News in a Timely Manner Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:39:25 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en (ALBANY, NY)  Sound the trumpets.  Bang the drums.  Forgotten upstate New York residents plan massive Bye Bye Bashes in anticipation of Hillary Clinton’s appointment as Secretary of State. Numerous spontaneous grassroots celebrations have sprung up seemingly overnight after the news broke last week that president-elect Barack Obama might tap Hillary for a cabinet ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=109 (CHICAGO) As Barack Obama’s presidential campaign shifts into panic mode, Obama has reopened secret talks to become the principle spokesperson for Heinz products, pending the outcome of this year’s presidential election. According to a source close to his campaign, Obama had been approached in early May by the Heinz Corporation shortly ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=107 (THE WORLD) Where’s Hillary Clinton? Chappaqua? Washington? Has she returned to Iowa? Has anyone seen Hillary since she endorsed Barack Obama before an adoring crowd of her most ardent supporters? Philippe Reines, a campaign adviser, says that “she’s enjoying some well-deserved R&R,” but only Hillary knows for sure. Her sudden and mysterious ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=104 (Washington, DC) Former Vice President Al Gore made tsunami-size waves in a wide-ranging and controversial interview broadcast yesterday on National Public Radio. In his rambling remarks, Gore linked global warming to a disparate series of events ranging in size and destructive scope from the recent Typhoon in Burma killing tens of ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=95 (BRATTLEBORO, VT) Vermonters may have to shutter up their sugar shacks and shuffle off to Canada if they want to continue to live off the largesse of the maple tree. Man-made or not, global warming seems to be shortening the sugaring season and causing our rough-skinned friends to skimp on the ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=94 (Washington, DC) Medical authorities have failed to explain why MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’s leg hasn’t stopped tingling since the evening hours of February 13 during an acceptance speech given by Democratic candidate Barack Obama. Matthews first reported his condition in an on-air exchange with Keith Olberman about an hour after Obama swept ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=90 (NEW YORK) New York’s fashion week ended as all orgiastic parties unfortunately must end, with the lights flicking on and the bleary-eyed crowds making for the exits. Didn’t these ungrateful wretches realize that Fashion Week had billed the unveiling of Hillary Clinton’s Empty Pants Suit Collection as its main event? Hadn’t ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=87 RAFAH, Egypt — Electric batons could not stop hordes of Palestinians from illegally pouring through a hole in the border fence between Gaza and Egypt. Nor could water canons, and bulldozers. Palestinians have repeatedly crossed into Egypt for supplies since last Wednesday. As soon as Egyptian forces have sealed up one ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=85 (DES MOINES, IOWA) A middle-age Iowa voter has filed a $12 million lawsuit against both Hillary and Bill Clinton for mental whiplash. According to papers filed yesterday in Iowa’s Supreme Court, Andrew Wynehart of Spring Hill, Iowa, has asked that the Clintons compensate him for lost wages, medical bills and emotional ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=77 (WASHINGTON, DC) Astronaut Scott Parazynski did more than perform emergency surgery on a torn solar panel on the International Space Station today. At the end of his spacewalk, almost as an afterthought, he reached out with a 90-foot robotic arm and boom extension, and deftly snagged a strand of twine ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=72 (WASHINGTON, DC) DNA removed from black and white hair follicles has revealed the identity of a stray cat found in Iraq as that of Socks, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s White House cat. Apparently, the war-bedraggled tabby was found feeding on scraps outside of a reporters' compound in Baghdad, Iraq. In a ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=67 (LONDON) A decade-long rumor was confirmed today when it was announced that Hillary Clinton has insured her piano legs for $10 million with Lloyds of London. Until yesterday the public had only known of Hillary's piano legs through anecdotal evidence because no known pictures of Hillary in a dress exist. For ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=63 (BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA) Perhaps French people don't bathe or brush their teeth regularly, according to a provocative study recently published by La Point magazine, but neither do American liberals, according to a similar study that finds striking parallels between both populations. While the French study, “24 Hours in France – An Unusual ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=57 (DOJA, QATAR) In an effort to clarify his rambling seven-page manifesto released on September 7, Osama Bin Laden has sent a rambling a three-page memo to Al Jazeera, the 24-hour Arab news service in Qatar. The memo has been read continuously by a Bin Laden look-a-like every hour on the ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=55 (BAGHDAD) In very strong but measured remarks before an audience consisting mostly of Iraqi veterans and their families, Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki cautioned that the United States could face civil war if disunity continues among differing factions in the United States Congress. Speaking gravely to a hushed audience, Maliki stated: ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=48 (PORTSMOUTH, NH) Dozens of Evangelical groups, meeting for the first time under the umbrella organization Council For New World Evangelicals, have called for John Roberts to step down as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and allow Ruth Bader Ginsburg to assume command. According to a statement issued today and ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=34 An overwhelming majority of Americans believes that Fox News delivers news with a conservative bias, according to a New York Times/National Public Radio poll conducted over a one-day period in July. A whopping 67% of respondents describe Fox News as conservative or very conservative, with 8% describing it as liberal or ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=18 (DETROIT) Fearing a backlash after a Fox News microphone picked up a private conversation between Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, the Clinton camp has accused Edwards of trying to sandbag her campaign. Officials fear that Hillary’s candid, unscripted remarks about her Democratic rivals might make hear appear cold and ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=17 (CONEY ISLAND) Joey Chestnut’s world record shattering total of 66 hot dogs consumed in 12 minutes was overshadowed by Senator Hillary Clinton’s first time participation in today's annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Mrs. Clinton, Democratic Presidential candidate, shoved down a respectable 49 hot dogs, or one for every ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=16 (STOCKHØLM) The Nobel Peace Prize Committee has acted to rescind Yasser Arafat's Peace Prize effective immediately, and to give it to Hamas, the Palestinian Sunni Islamist organization currently governing the people of the Palestinian National Authority. "They have it anyway," said Jander Skølfin, Third Executive Director to the Vice Chairman ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/?p=15