Mental Whiplash Contusion
(DES MOINES, IOWA) A middle-age Iowa voter has filed a $12 million lawsuit against both Hillary and Bill Clinton for mental whiplash.

According to papers filed yesterday in Iowa’s Supreme Court, Andrew Wynehart of Spring Hill, Iowa, has asked that the Clintons compensate him for lost wages, medical bills and emotional distress as a result of a series of mental injuries sustained repeatedly over the last six weeks. These injuries, termed “mental whiplash,” have been defined by Wynehart’s lawyers as, “the coherent, unexpected misdirection of the brain leading to cranial blur.”

Wynehart has submitted two MRIs as evidence taken before and after Wynehart’s medical setbacks. “The MRI taken this Friday morning clearly shows contusions to the left and right hemispheres, as well as sponginess in the frontal lobe,” according to Perry Flinch of Dogget Flinch & Armbuster.

In his deposition, Wynehart states that he can no longer walk a straight line since it was disclosed on December 13th that Hillary Clinton is trying to lure out-of-state college students to participate in the Iowa caucuses. A day earlier Hillary had berated Barack Obama, her chief rival, for using the same tactics. “This is a process for Iowans,” Hillary had said. “This needs to be all about Iowa, and people who live here, people who pay taxes here.”

“Now you tell me, what am I supposed to believe?” Wynehart asked.

Although he’s not sure, Wynehart thinks he suffered the worst damage during the Philadelphia debate in October hosted by Tim Russert, at which Russert asked Clinton if she supported New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s plan to give drivers licenses to illegal aliens.

clinton-russert.JPG“In the space of 3:12 seconds I experienced a sudden extension and flexion of my brain as Hillary answered, didn’t answer, could answer, couldn’t answer, was for it, was against it, took responsibility, pawned off responsibility,” Wynehart explained. “That’s when the headaches, the dizziness, and the spine tingling began.”

Wynehart began to have difficulty swallowing and chewing on November 28, immediately after Bill Clinton said that he had never supported the Iraq war, even though he’s on record in 2002 and 2004 as supporting it. “I think that’s when my condition began to get serious,” he said.

“And it didn’t help that this week Bill was parading around Iowa telling us how much he’s always loved Hillary.” While reclining in his La-Z-Boy, legs extended, neck in a brace, index finger extended, Wynehart asked (in his best Bill Clinton voice): “After all, did he or did he not have sex with that woman?”

A spokesperson for the Clintons stated that he knows a con when he sees one, and called the suit “bogus.”

Mental Whiplash Deposition

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1 Comment so far

  1. The Butter Stick on December 16, 2007 2:20 pm

    Ouch at both the Clintons and the wiplashed man. We just hope a brain tumor does not develop to take the life of this poor American, who’s only crime was being the ignorant American we all are.