http://blog.fittoprintnews.com News in a Timely Manner Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:11:09 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en (BRATTLEBORO, VT) Vermonters may have to shutter up their sugar shacks and shuffle off to Canada if they want to continue to live off the largesse of the maple tree. Man-made or not, global warming seems to be shortening the sugaring season and causing our rough-skinned friends to skimp on the ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2008/03/08/maple-tree-upset-by-warming-winters/ (Washington, DC) Medical authorities have failed to explain why MSNBC’s Chris Matthews’s leg hasn’t stopped tingling since the evening hours of February 13 during an acceptance speech given by Democratic candidate Barack Obama. Matthews first reported his condition in an on-air exchange with Keith Olberman about an hour after Obama swept ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2008/02/23/chris-matthews%e2%80%99s-leg-experiences-10-day-%e2%80%9cthrill%e2%80%9d/ (NEW YORK) New York’s fashion week ended as all orgiastic parties unfortunately must end, with the lights flicking on and the bleary-eyed crowds making for the exits. Didn’t these ungrateful wretches realize that Fashion Week had billed the unveiling of Hillary Clinton’s Empty Pants Suit Collection as its main event? Hadn’t ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2008/02/10/hillarys-empty-pants-suit-collection-evokes-yawns/ RAFAH, Egypt — Electric batons could not stop hordes of Palestinians from illegally pouring through a hole in the border fence between Gaza and Egypt. Nor could water canons, and bulldozers. Palestinians have repeatedly crossed into Egypt for supplies since last Wednesday. As soon as Egyptian forces have sealed up one ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2008/02/03/egypt-seals-gaza-border-using-secret-weapon/ (DES MOINES, IOWA) A middle-age Iowa voter has filed a $12 million lawsuit against both Hillary and Bill Clinton for mental whiplash. According to papers filed yesterday in Iowa’s Supreme Court, Andrew Wynehart of Spring Hill, Iowa, has asked that the Clintons compensate him for lost wages, medical bills and emotional ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/12/15/iowa-man-sues-clintons-for-mental-whiplash/ (WASHINGTON, DC) Astronaut Scott Parazynski did more than perform emergency surgery on a torn solar panel on the International Space Station today. At the end of his spacewalk, almost as an afterthought, he reached out with a 90-foot robotic arm and boom extension, and deftly snagged a strand of twine ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/11/04/stunned-astronaut-snags-archived-clinton-documents-on-spacewalk/ (WASHINGTON, DC) DNA removed from black and white hair follicles has revealed the identity of a stray cat found in Iraq as that of Socks, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s White House cat. Apparently, the war-bedraggled tabby was found feeding on scraps outside of a reporters' compound in Baghdad, Iraq. In a ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/10/21/clinton%e2%80%99s-cat-found-abandoned-in-iraq/ (LONDON) A decade-long rumor was confirmed today when it was announced that Hillary Clinton has insured her piano legs for $10 million with Lloyds of London. Until yesterday the public had only known of Hillary's piano legs through anecdotal evidence because no known pictures of Hillary in a dress exist. For ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/09/29/hillary-insures-her-piano-legs/ (BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA) Perhaps French people don't bathe or brush their teeth regularly, according to a provocative study recently published by La Point magazine, but neither do American liberals, according to a similar study that finds striking parallels between both populations. While the French study, “24 Hours in France – An Unusual ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/09/22/american-liberals-vie-with-french-for-aroma-prize/ (DOJA, QATAR) In an effort to clarify his rambling seven-page manifesto released on September 7, Osama Bin Laden has sent a rambling a three-page memo to Al Jazeera, the 24-hour Arab news service in Qatar. The memo has been read continuously by a Bin Laden look-a-like every hour on the ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/09/09/bin-laden-addresses-hillary-clinton/ (BAGHDAD) In very strong but measured remarks before an audience consisting mostly of Iraqi veterans and their families, Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki cautioned that the United States could face civil war if disunity continues among differing factions in the United States Congress. Speaking gravely to a hushed audience, Maliki stated: ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/08/23/iraqi-prime-minister-foresees-an-american-civil-war/ (PORTSMOUTH, NH) Dozens of Evangelical groups, meeting for the first time under the umbrella organization Council For New World Evangelicals, have called for John Roberts to step down as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and allow Ruth Bader Ginsburg to assume command. According to a statement issued today and ... http://blog.fittoprintnews.com/2007/07/29/evangelical-christians-press-for-ruth-bader-ginsburg-to-become-chief-supreme-court-justice/